RIP- Grandad Bill

This time last year my Grandad Bill passed away.
I know he's in a better place!
He's with my Nana Hazel and I know they both are looking down on us.
I believe in my heart of hearts,
Grandad Bill was watching over Landon and I when I went into labor!
I believe that he was the reason why I got to the hospital on time.
Thank you for watching over me Nana Hazel & Grandad Bill.
Thank you for taking me under your wings and keeping me safe!
He was a great man, great father, great grand father, great great grandfather.
And most of all he was a wonderful husband.
He never re-married after my Nana died.
True love always waits.
We all miss him! We all still love him.
He'll always be in our minds and our hearts FOREVER!!!
We hope that you and Nana are up there dancing and loving eachother as much as you did when you were here.
Thank you for keeping us all safe!
You're truely MISSED.

We Love You So Much!! <3

R.I.P- Grandad Bill, You're forever in our hearts!

Before I Was A Mom Poem

Before I was a Mom, I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.I never thought about immunizations. Before I was a Mom, I had never been puked on.Pooped on.Chewed on.Peed on.I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.I slept all night. Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.Or give shots.I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep. Before I was a Mom,I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom. Before I was a Mom,I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy. Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom..I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom

Why Do Mothers Compete?

Why do mothers compete? I understand that wee all are proud to be mothers and are proud of our child. But to act like your baby is better than anyone else's baby is completely ridiculous. All babies acheive the same goals, maybe not at the same tome but they do. I understand your excited but don't try to tell me your baby is smarter than mine cause he was a preemie and will be behind always. My son is just as smart and strong as your kid. So stop acting like your baby is gods gift to the earth and noone else's baby can amount to yours. If i remember correctly all babies are god's gift. And no baby should be treated otherwise. So do me and the world a favor and GROW up!!

Forgiveness.

So I'm still patiently waiting to hear from the love of my life. Praying that my bubba's will go to sleep soon! So i can have a wonderful chat with his daddy! So this blog really is about my cousin. When i found out she was doing drugs and lying to me about doing them i was really hurt. So i told her that i didnt want her around my baby because she was on drugs. that was a decision jake and i had made regarding to anyone we knew that was on drugs. Sorry, but we dont want that around our lil angel pie. Well when i went into labor i wanted her and my aunt to know what was going on, so i texted her. Well ok, to make a long story short, she basically told me it was my fault that landon was coming early, and it was my fault if anything was wrong with him. so yeah kinda wrong on her end. i understand she was hurt, but my life was endangered and thats all that mattered to her was that she was MAD at me. So we've been talking, and i really just want to be there for her, want her in my life again, just want to have at least a relationship with her. Because i have FORGIVEN her. I always forgive her. And i asked her today so are we gonna even try on working things out. And shes like i gave up trying to work things out withyou a long time ago. So eh. I hate that i'm such a forgiving person. I feel like it bites me in the ass sometimes. i hate it its a trait that i have that i wish i didnt. i wish i could do what jake tells me and forget them for good. But i cant. I always think about them wonder what they are doing, how their life is, but in the end some how i get chewed up and spit back out. i dont know. it sucks. I hate being FORGIVING.

love of my life

the one the only the queen the best of the best the highest grade of anything there is the sun in the sky doesnt shine as bright as she does she radiates briliants and juat to be around here or hear her voice makes me want to be a better person i love her with all i am and all i will ever been i love you lover girl and i allways will kisses and cuddels

Motherhood & Deployment

I knew it wasn't going to be easy!! But i'm getting the hang of it. I didn't think when i became a mom i would be on my own for pretty much the 1st yr of the babies life. But i am. And i think i'm doing pretty good. its hard balancing everything tho. Doing laundry, cleaning, feeding him, and taking care of him. Not only that, i have to be strong for my son. I have to constantly remind him of his dad, show him pictures, talk about him 24/7. I'm actually making a DVD to send out tomorrow for Jake. I also have to be strong for Jake. Everytime jake see's him, he tears up. And it breaks my heart to pieces. But i try my hardest to be strong for Jake in this time, cause its hard for him. Probably harder for him. I couldn't imagine what he goes threw everyday! Having to be away from us. it's got to be hard. But he is our hero. And we cherish him for everything he does. I hope i am being everything for jake. And the greatest mom i can be for Landon. Cause i'm trying my hardest to be everything for both of them.And i'm getting great feed back from family telling me i'm doing a great job, and i'm a very good mother and loving mother. I just gotta keep reminding myself of that while jake is gone. I'm doing a great job, I'm being a great wife, and I'm being the best mother possible. I CAN DO THIS. I'm a seabee wife, and we can do too!! Hehe

A new chapter

I can remember back in february of 2008, I was sitting in the bath relaxing as i always do. And i start to cry. Jake came into me and asked what was wrong. I told him this "I know how bad you want to become a father, but i have to honestly tell you that i'm scared. I'm scared of dr's. I'm scared of messing up. I'm scared of that i wont ever get over the fear of not believing i can do this. I want to be a mom so bad, But i'm scared'

He looked at me and was like "Baby you can do it, and when you do become pregnant your going to be great at it. When you are ready and sure that your ok to go threw this well go from there, but i believe in you, and i know you can do it Amanda, you're stronger than you think you are" In the end i decided i wanted to wait to have a baby and get the truck jake had been bugging me about for the past year!! 2 weeks after we bought this expensive truck, i found out i was pregnant. MY reaction to this was OH NO! i can't do this.

Time passed....i went to more and more dr's, got tons of blood taking...NEEDLES my worse fear. But i got over it. Then my worst fear happened..i went into pre-term labor. I was so scared cause i thought i was doing everything right. So scared that i messed it up. It seemed like my worst fear was coming true. When i went into the hospital i was 3cm dialated. The dr told me i was having him. i was so scared. My contractions stopped. And they put me on bed rest! Here i am already living my worst fear..i'm get pricked and pulled at for a week.

FINALLY....November 6th, 2008 the dr said since i had preclamsia i was going to give birth to him. This is the part i was most afraid of. at 8pm my water broke, and in any given moment i was going to be told to push. I was so scared. Jake continuously by my side for the week i was there encouraged me and told me he loved me and i was the most beautiful thing in the world. at 845pm i started pushing. Didn't know what i was doing. Jake was holding my legs telling me he could see landon, at 903pm our precious baby was born.

I didn't think i could do it, i learned so much about myself i learned i needed to be confident in myself and now i can do whatever i put my mind to. And the MORAL of this blog i guess is to thank jake for always believing in me. Especially when i'm at my worst, if it wasnt for him i dont think i would of been able to get through that week and the birth of our son. He brings the best out in me. And i'm so proud to have him in my life, and be able to give him the son he's always wanted. From then on i have believed in myself and gotten threw every fear i've faced since that day. Jake you're amazing THANKYOU. We have such a beautiful family.

our life

our life started slow and kinda bumppy but we r still here pushing on hand in hand still haveing just as much love when we first met you are the ying to my yang the butter to my bread you are the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and i am glad i kept it for myself allways and forever is a long time to some but it will never be enought for me cause i will alway long for your touch and allways need your kisses canse i am under the spell of true love the perfect match for me the one gad took from me when he made me you are my eve my goddes you r my queen and i love you....


always and forever baby love you