What I've learned in 2009

Here are somethings i'd like to share before I head off to Mammoth for the New Year of what I've learned in this wonderful year of 2009.

Being a mother is the greatest gift yet hardest journey I've yet had dealt my way.
Marriage isn't easy, and no matter what you do it will always need work.
I can never catch up on Laundry!!
Friends come and go, and the true ones always stay true.
Some people never grow up. Even if they live a 'grown up' life.
Family is forever.
To not care about what others say or think about me, I know who I am, how my life is, and I love it.
To cherish everyone in your life every single day, at any moment I or they could be taken away!
Drugs alter your thoughts and your actions, and it's saddens me to have lost another person I love dearly to them.
I lost my sister. But I now know it's her lost not mine. And in 20 years she'll realize that.
My husband is someone to admire, and he does the most admirable job.
My family is my everything.
Deployment didn't beat me this year, I beat it!

And i look forward to the adventures of 2010!!! We have a lot planned and i Can not wait!!

Hope everyone has a great New Year!!

Worth the Wait!!

It's so nice to have my husband home for the holidays. And not worried about how I am going to have to say goodbye to him a week later. Cause I don't hae to say goodbye at all! We get to spend our birthdays together AT LAST!!!! Yes, we've been together 4 years and he's always been gone for our birthdays!! And i'm so excited. We decided on me picking something to do for his, and he's gonna decide to do something for mine. I love it!!

This year is a great year!

Cliques.

I remember when I was in highschool, all the different cliques. The popular, the jocks, the nerds, the goths, and whatever else people decided to come up with. I remember which clique i was in like it was yesterday. I was a nerd. Always being made fun of cause i was skinny and smart. I remember Senior year being so excited that it was my last year. My last year or torment and not wanting to go to school.

I think it's funny. almost 5 years out of highschool. I still feel like i'm in it. I hate it. And its not that im a nerd or whatever now. Its just with people hanging out with certain people leaving out certain people. I think its absurd. I thought we all grew up. It's sickening. Grow up.

I'm Thankful For....

What am I thankful for?

I'm thankful for my husband, who does anything and almost everything for me,

Who fights for our country with such pride, who is my best friend, MY HERO,

my rock, my confidant, and so many more!!

who is the most amazing father in the entire world.

who i love so much it's unreal.

Also, Landon the sweetest most precious gift I've ever received!

He is the most amazing thing I've ever been blessed with!

I love you sweet angel of mine!

My family, what an amazing family I've got!

BEST support system in the entire world.

I couldn't be such a strong military wife and support my husband 100% without the support from you guys!!

You guys are my rock when he's gone.

Make me smile while he's away.

You guys are truely amazing!!!

I love you guys!

To my friends, you know who you are!

I wouldn't be able to survive the deployments without you guys.

Your my family away from home!
Thanks for everything.

I'm very thankful that i get to stay home with my son everyday!

I'm thankful for my life.

I love it :D

Deja Vu- Your Dead To Me!

It feels like I've been here before, writing about the same person and the same exact problem. I sometimes wish things could go back to normal. Back to how it was before she met him. The girl I loved, and considered my best friend in the entire world. Now we hate eachother. Well more of she hates me. And I've told her that she's dead to me, Landon, & Jake. It's sad when I think about it coming to this. I remember sitting on my driveway with my sweet and innocent cousin who adored me and wanted nothing but to hang out with me and be a part of my life. Now she hates my life. Thinks I regret having Landon and told me I would never love him completely because I got married to young. Well More or less said I RUSHED into getting married I RUSHED into having a baby. And now my life sucks and I will sooner or later hate my life. I don't believe anyone of it. I find it amusing how someone who is only 17 years old, could possibly know what my life is like, and how I feel. Considering we hadn't talked in almost a year up until a few weeks ago. Last year when I was in labor she told me I deserved whatever was to happen to me and to my son. But yes, me I forgave her once again! But this time she's said enough. Talked badly about me, my husband my dad, my mom, my wonderful grandparents. What an ungrateful bitch. I hope 10 years from now she realizes what a huge mistake she made by doing this to me and my family. But by then it will be too late to mend anything between her and I. Like I said she's dead to me. I don't have a cousin anymore, and I don't have a little sister anymore it hurts, but I can't keep getting hurt. This is the best for Landon, Jake, and myself. And those are the people I really have to always protect. You can fuck with me. But you better not think you can fuck with my family. Fuck with them you better know you're gonna fuck with me. Enough said. I'm at peace with my life now!!!

My Heroes.

Happy Veteran's day to all of those who have served and who are currently serving. I take so much pride in being a military wife it is unreal. I guess it's kind of sad, because before I married Jake and became a military wife, I didn't really understand what these amazing people go through on a day to day basis. And I guess I fully didn't respect them the way I should have. I think this occurs often because when we look at the military men and women we see WAR. But WAR is not what we stand for. We stand for protecting the country we love and cherish, even if it mean having to do something that we don't fully agree with. These men & women deal with so many different daily struggles it's unreal. For one they leave their home, their familes, miss out on the births of their kids,nieces, nephews brothers or sisters, they go into this thing we want to call a WAR fight all day and maybe sometimes all night, come home either wounded, having post traumatic stress disorder, or even worse, they come home in a coffen with a flag on top. The scarafices they make daily not only for me but for our country is something to admire. Not to frown upon. If more people respected this people we'd be a better country. For example, last deployment when Jake was in Cuba, I heard about this lady, COMPLETELY DISGUSTING, I might add, who would go to fallen soldiers' funerals with a bunch of people in her church (yes she called it a church) and would boycott them cause they were for war, supported gays, and god only knows what else. Seriously who on Earth does that kind of thing! SICK. People like that I don't even wanna say what should happen to them, or better yet hmmm. In other words, all those who actually read this, I'm so proud to be a military wife. I'm so proud of the work my husband does. So proud to support all those men & women out there risking their lifes each and everday for my protection. You guys are truely HEROES and you guys deserve only the best from everyone in this country. If it wasn't for your bravery and strength who knows where'd we be as a whole. I love you all!

He's So Smart!

It's amazing to watch a child who basically mirrors you! Become so smart. With things that I haven't showed him, things Jake hasn't shown him! Just from him observing what Jake & I do daily. Today I was giving him a walk in his brand new car that I push, I gave him the mail keys to hold so he could have some fun!! Next thing I know I look down and my lil man is trying to stick the keys into a sticker with a picture of the ignition on it!! Now tell me how smart is that? Then I was looking for him, and he's trying to plug cords into our Wii!!! I can't believe it, its the most amazing thing I have ever gotten to experience. (Besides the birth of him) So many other things, like knowing how to turn on and off the radio, and what buttons to press to make the music come on, and how to turn the knob to make it louder! It's insane! He turns the Direct TV off and on, and turns and laughs at me!!! Thinking it's the funniest thing he's ever seen!! Little booger!! And he tries to plug my computer charger into my computer!! He puts things in the dishwasher for me, and closes the lid. Yeah I know that these things are soo small. But to him they are the world. And to me, it's completely breath taking. To be able to watch my son who is 1 yr old now, do all these amazing things, and watch him grow is just astonishing! I know there is more to come...and I CAN'T WAIT!! It's such an amazing experience. And I can't wait to experience it all over again!!

A Day From Hell

Well today was quite interesting. After all the stress, I get to my dr appt, come to find out I have high blood pressure. They we're kinda worried about it. Which makes me worry. Especially when Jake's gone. I hate it!! Two weeks from now i go back to the Dr's to take a pregnancy test. I'm not pregnant that I know of. But in 2 weeks i'll know for sure. I don't think I am. But anyways. I know now who my friends truely are. Who will come to my rescue when it matters the most. And who no matter whats going will do anything to help me out even if they aren't able to at that exact moment. Things like this make me miss Jake. I hate it when he's gone cause I know I ALWAYS can depend on him. No matter what. He's always there. Even when he's gone. He does everything in his power to come to my rescue. And I fall more and more in love with him! Although he is gone right now. And i guess this is when it pours right???!

Hopefully tomorrow is a little better and I pray my blood pressure goes down.

Landon Tyler

So this time last year i was in the hospital in labor with Landon. I went into labor on Oct 30th. Was emitted to the Labor and Delivery on Oct 31st. Yeah I spent Halloween in the hospital! So on Halloween while i was getting my lil munchkin ready for his first halloween. I sat back and couldn't believe this time last year i thought i was gonna have him to hold in my arms, and this year i do. But i'm sitting here today, and thinking about what i was doing this time last year. Tomorrow i'm getting tested to see if i have preclamsia, and friday sure enough i have preclamsia and at 9:03pm i had the lil guy. I was going through his clothes and found these preemie outfits and almost died when i saw how small he was. And now how big he is and all the AMAZING things he is doing. time flies. And i try to not take anything for granted and appreciate everything that is thrown my way!! And I still to this day can not believe my lil boy is 2 days shy of being ONE YEARS OLD! he's growing up way to fast i hate it!

Landon's Almost One!

Well that time of year is coming up!

My little boy isn't so little anymore!

He will be turning one next weekend!!!!

I remember this time last year i was carving pumpkins not knowing that in a few days i'd be going into labor.

It's sad but amazing to look back and remember one year ago!

I look at him at remember how tiny he was! And now look at him and see how big he is!

my baby is one! i can't believe it!!

Deployment=OVER

just wanted to write about how thankful i am about all the support i had during the deployment!

To my family- You all kept me together during those rough times. Kept a smile on my face when i missed him the most. And never let me down. Without you all i don't know how i'd ever get threw my time apart from Jake. All the help with Landon. Helping me out on my sleepless nights!! i can't put into words how thankful i am for each and everyone of you guys. And everyday i know i'm truely blessed with all of you! I LOVE YOU ALL so much!!!

To my friends- You all know what deployments are like. Thank you for keeping me strong! and always reminding me that it will be over before i know it. Those late night phones calls when landon would still be up! all the support when i moved back up here, watching Landon...helping me get ready for homecoming! You all are amazing THANK YOU!!!Thank god this deployment is finally over!!!

Life is perfect again! And i'm ready for whatever god puts in our path

Is he home yet....? . . . . NO!

So my hubby isn't home yet. YUCK! His date keeps getting pushed back. And it's quite frustrating. But on the up side. I have to remember that it's August and it is the end of the deployment. We've made it this long. And it's not too much longer. Alot of people are worried about the whole getting used to eachother again. But with Jake and I we don't go threw that. Its like he never left. And it's gonna be amazing, cause we're finally gonna be a family again. a HOLE. i can not wait!

We have a house. It's coming together quite well. Which i'm pretty happy about. I don't like my neighbors. they've already complained a number of times about my dog. they have even come out and yelled at me. what a weirdo! i can not wait till jake comes home so they wont do it anymore. and ill have my protector.

Landon is 9 months old tomorrow. His teeth are rapidly. and i pray everyday that they finally make an appearance!! but he's semi-crawling. i think secretly he's waiting for his daddy to come home. He's saying DADA and clapping. And today he starting dancing!!! he's the cutest ever!!! and i'm so excited to have jake finally home so he can witness all these amazing things. but not too much longer!!! yay!!

Rude

I've been thinking for the past couple of days. And i don't understand why people are so rude to me. Like earlier this week i was hanging with some friends, and they are like 'so we are off the hook' and then they are like 'so am i gonna get another free meal'
ok i understand you're helping ME out. I was NICE enough to pay for your dinner. I paid for it because i was thankful for you guys helping out. First of all they came LATE like almost 2 hrs late. we could of gotten way more done and then at the end of the day...i pay for your dinner, you don't say thankyou. than you go and say something like 'am i gonna get another free meal outta it'

all i have to say is RUDE.

[[this was a vent entry lol]]

i was actually really nice about it....i have a little more anger about it.

Our New Life Together!

So we finally got our new house. No ROOM MATES , NO DRAMA & JUST ME AND MY FAMILY!! I've slowly been moving things into the house. Which has been way harder than i thought! I understand how hard Jake worked when i was pregnant. i can't believe how hard he worked, and on top of that took care of everything while i was in the hospital. he's amazing! But we've got ourself a 2 bed 1 bath house, as you see in the picture. It's Not huge but its perfect for my lil family!! i can't wait jake has got about 6 weeks left until he's finally home. and then our new life again will start, a new chapter to our story, and the most amazing time to look forward to.
I'm also getting tired of people who have something to say about everything. it's like fudge almighty. your not the smartest person alive, your opinion means shit to me. so why do you keep insisting on always having to be right or have to say the last word. Ugh sorry that came outta no where, but thats how i've been feeling lately. it's like your life isnt that bad, stop complaining, stop being SOOOO negative all the time, and stop shooting everything i have to say down the shitter cause you think you know it all.
ANYWHOO!!!!

6 more weeks. I know i've kicked this deployments ass!!

Stress Kills

So we're coming up to July. Thank goodness! Time seems to be flying by. But now it's time where things start to get really stressful! So we're currently on the waiting list for housing on base. We're #21. Boy was that a hassle!! It seriously took 2 weeks just to get on the list. I'm really hoping that we get a house in the first couple weeks of July that way i have plenty of time to decorate and unpack before Jake gets home. I want to have the house perfect for him. I CANNOT wait! I've been real stressed out lately, about how the heck am i gonna do this all on my own with a 7 month old baby that needs me 24/7. But i know i can do it, and i'm sure it's gonna make the time go by fast. i can't believe that this deployment is nearly over with it seems like it's gone so fast. And with Jake coming home it obviously made it go by quicker. I can't even begin to describe how great things are. I've seriously never have been this happy in a long time. I guess it's just i got a lot to look forward to. I have an amazing job, i love staying home, although it does get tiring at times but what job doesnt right? i have THE most adorable son, who couldnt be an better or well behaved, hes also on the verge of crawling AND getting his teeth! Hopefully he waits for daddy. i have THE most amazing and supportive husband in the world. we've had our rough times, but now we've gotten threw that and we couldn't be any better. we're communicating better than we ever have. it's just amazing. its like 8 weeks THATS IT. OMG. i cant wait. I'm gonna be a busy bee when i get a house and i'm gonna enjoy every minute of it. i can't wait to be in our own house with just us. no more room mates no more douche bags. i'm so happy that its just us. i can't wait to be his wife, cook for him, clean MY house, take care MY son and husband. I can just see it right now, while im cooking dinner i hear landon laughing so hard cause his daddy is tickling him. picture perfect. Couldn't be any better. :)

it's almost done....<3

Not.Too.Much.Longer

Well...it's June!! Going on month 5 of this deployment. And I can't believe it. We've got just a little over 2 months left. And i'm so excited! I'm working on getting housing for Jake & I on base. But it's not going so well. So i'm hoping that we get a house by the time he gets home. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
So I bought a bunch of scrap booking stuff to start and get caught up on Landon's books!! I'm making him 2. One for me to keep thats gonna have every living picture in it. And i'm making him one. It's going to contain 1-3 pages of each year of his life. And when he gets married it will be a gift from me to him and his wife. I just thought it would be cool for him and his wife to be able to have this book of his life, and he could sit and show his kids!! I totally stole the idea from my sister in law! But that's why she is amazing!! I love her! I'm totally excited for that.I'm also working on something for Jake for his first fathers day package!! Can't wait for him to get it. I'm totally excited for that.
I love Jake soooo much. It's unbelievable!! <3

True love knows no distance

So this picture pretty much says it all. These 2 boys are my life.

They are why i wake up, breath, and do what i do to make them happy.

Jake's time home was amazing!! i'm not gonna lie we have had a very difficult deployment.

Lots and lots of downs but him coming home made them all disappear!

I've realize when it comes down to it, he is the only person i can always depend on.

he always has my best interest in mind, and he showed me a diff side to him.

and its like we fell in love all over again! It was amazing!

He's such an amazing father. i was nervous that landon wasnt going to take to him.

but i was wrong. how could landon not take to him?

Jakes amazing with him, and landon is very lucky to have such an amazing father.

Jake you are my best friend, my lover, my confidant, and i dont know where id be without you.

i got lucky finding you, and i dont take that for granted. thanks for being an amazing man

and doing everything you had to, to come home, to provide, and to show me u love me.

This is my family.

This is my life.

And i'm truely blessed.

Jake & Landon I love you.

Jake- Your my oneand only

Landon- words dont come near...

<3

It's been a Minute

So some time has passed. And things still havent settled down. Cancun was a blast!! despite we were always concerned of the stupid swine flu. but it never came to us. we all went home safe and it was just amazing. Landon did amazing on the plane. slept most the plane trip which was amazing everyone was like he was soo amazing thats awesome hes such a good baby!! i was a proud mama then hehe and i got to brag which every mother gets to do. during our trip we got transferred to different hotels. the 2nd one was the best!! Landon went swimming for the first time, went in the ocean for the first time, put his feet in the sand &&&& learned how to hold his OWN bottle by himself :)

What an amazing baby right? i couldnt have been blessed with such an amazing son. im truely the luckiest ever. i went parasailing on a couch thing. it was the scariest thing ever!! we werent strapped in and it was all good at first until the wind started kicking up and we started going all crazy!! i was in tears lol!! but it was an amazing experience!! im glad i did it. i hope jake && i are able to take a trip out there next year together it would be GREAT!!!
Counting down till Jake comes!! Has been quite the experience. Hes coming home thursday morning!! and i cant wait. im very blessed to be able to experience this. and have Landon be able to see his dad and jake get to see his son after 4 1/2 months of being apart. just thinking about it makes me cry. i can not wait. jake deserves this more than ever!! and so does landon. i'm excited for myself dont get me wrong i get to have my bestfriend, my lover, and my everything back in my arms and what not. but i think im more excited about jake and landon getting to see eachother. ithink that it is going to be the most amazing part about it EVER! Jake works so hard everyday and im glad he gets to come home and take a break away from his hectic life you know? We are 4 1/2 months into this deployment thank GOD!!!! which means we have about 2 1/2 left!!! CANNOT believe it. its been a whirl wind. but it has gone by so quickly its unreal. fastest deployment ever if you ask me. and its been a tough one at that too!!

Celebrating my 1st Mothers day:WAS AMAZING!!!!! being a mom has been the most amazing experience ever. i can not put into words what it is like to be a mom. and the joy and happiness it brings to my life. being able to love that way is amazing. even though Jake was gone for it, i did get my hair done, my nails done, and a HUGE bouquet of flowers for mothers day. with the cutest card and words he has written to me in forever!! MY hubby is the most amazing ever. i cant believe how great hes been to me. and i know when he comes home that its only gonna get better. i had the best mothers day ever!! And i cant wait for the many more to come :)

Almost 4 Months Down!!

So I'm currently 3 days away from CANCUN!

&& 20 Days away from seeing my hubby!!!

Landon had his 6 month check up and he weighed 13lbs 2ozs.

He's getting so big, and he's teething SO bad!!

Jake & I have a lot of things planned for when he comes home!!

I'm so excited. On May 3rd we will be 4 months into this deployment.

Which leaves us with 3 more. By the time he leaves we will have just over 2 left!!

I can't believe how fast this deployment as gone!!!

I'm so excited for him to be home!

We've had our ups and downs for sure.

But somehow we have made it threw!!!

&&& AHHH CANCUN IN 3 DAYS!!!!

Breaking Dawn was AMAZING!!!

So I finally finished Breaking Dawn.

It took forever! But i loved it.

The ending to it was worth waiting for.

Now I don't know what i'm going to read.

I think i'm just gonna start working out when I usually read.

So i'm excited. I got 3 weeks left till CANCUN!!!

I'm pretty excited about it have tons to do to get ready for it.

Also Landon is 5 months old today! aww he's getting so big.

He mastered rolling onto his belly today!
I'm a proud Mama!! It's amazing!

I'm so happy!! =D

He's growing up too quickly!!

It was so cute!

When I put him on the bunny's lap he started to cry!

Then I got him to smile!
And they caught it just so perfect!!

After awhile he was trying to eat the bunny's arm and fur!

Aww! He's growing up TOO quickly.

It makes me sad!

Anyways I'll be doing his easter pics myself!
Hopefully they turn out good.

*Finger crossed*

Since First Site

So ever since first sight they stole my heart.

And they are continuing to steal it each and everyday!

Fun Today

Well today has been a LOT of fun! Landon is teething. Poor baby! But he's cranky as hell DRIVING me crazy!! But i feel so bad for him. I give him tylenol And oral gel and bottles. BUT it doesn't seem to kick the pain away poor baby.

I realized that a lot of the things i've gone threw in my life, i'm not the only. I sometimes feel afraid to talk to people about my life, and what goes on with my hubby and I, because i'm afraid i will be judged. But last night and the past couple days really 3 AMAZING girls sat there and listened to my problems, and let me vent. And in the end they didnt judge me. I found out that in certain ways they have gone threw something similar to what i'm GOING threw. And alot of it has to do with the fact that we are military wives and we do go threw a lot of the same things. Without these 3 girls, man i'd be lost. And i can't thank you guys enough. Thank you for all the support and advice and encouragement for the past week.

Yesterday we found out that Jake is coming home in May. for two weeks. so i'm starting to look for things to do EVERYDAY. I want to utilize this time we have to together as a family and do as much as we can. Jake's talking about buying Seadoo's so we can spend sometime at the River on his time home. Also his sister is getting married too! which is exciting. I think i have 51 days till he comes home. and i'm soooo excited for him to see landon. it's going to be amazing to see and i can already tell it's going to be VERY emotional!!

thank you girls for all your help and advice during this time.

You guys are amazing!!!

Eclipse was AMAZING!!!!

So I finally finished Eclipse. So amazing! I will be starting Breaking Dawn tonight.

Things have been going ok.. Been up and down here and there you know.

Jake & I became an Uncle & Auntie again!!

Madilynn Marie was born jakes 2nd niece from his brother, my 3rd but threw marriage

She was 7lbs 2ozs. Amazingly beautiful. Must be a Vavra thing!

On St Patty's day my best buddy had her baby! Beautiful baby boy.

Carson, 6lbs 13 ozs. So Perfect!!!

My friend Amber got great news that her hubbys coming home for her bday!

So this year st patty's day was a very very lucky day!

Cancun is coming up closer than i thought. only about 5 more weeks.

This deployment is going rather fast if you ask me. Some days are slower than others.

But thats normal. My family is in England visiting.

So i'm watching over their cat, lizard, fish, and turtle lol.

I hope they are enjoying themselfs. And having loads of fun!

I wish i was there. But anyhoo!
Life's good. Im gonna go finish watching Amazing Race 14,

And start my new book! I don't know what ill do when i'm done reading this one!!

AHHHH! i dont even wanna think about it!

Landon's growing up so fast!

Last week I took Landon up to his 4 month check-up!

He weighed 11lbs and 12 ounces.

He was 24 1/3ins long.

So pretty much he's doubled his birth weight.
Which was 5lbs 8ounces, and he was 17in long.

He's becoming a big boy.

Holding things, starting to turn over.

It's the most amazing thing i've ever experienced.

And it makes me sad that jake has to miss this.

8 more weeks until he comes home on leave! It's looking like a go!

About 6 weeks till Landon and I go to Cancun!!

I finally found a Dr out here for Landon.

Don't have to do that crazy drive EVER again!

My best friend is engaged, and getting married next year!

I'm the maid of honor yay!
Jake & I are talking about re-newing our vows next year sometime.

Since we had a little ceremony first!

I've found a place! No it's a matter of getting things done.

Jake is doing well. Working hard of course!!

I bought him a bunch of girl scout cookies lol.

He's doing an amazing job keeping up with Landon & me of course.

It's hard but he's doing his best!!

So that's the update on our family!

Life is going great!! <3

New Moon Was AMAZING!!

I'm in love with the series. As you can tell i think i read New moon in about 2-3 days. I'm going to take my time on Eclipse tho.

But new moon was truely amazing.

I pre-ordered the movie today!!

So excited to see it.

Jake & I are watching it together on the computer for a date night!!

we're almost 2 months away from seeing eachother!

SO Excited!

My Wonderful Suprise!!

So this is a Lost shirt jake wears this so he must of gotten one for me to match him lol

Landon Being cute as always!! He is my entire life. I can't wait for Jake to come home in May To finally see how much he's grown I got a dr appt for him weds. I think he weighs 12lbs. We've got a bet going on over here, anyone wanna guess?

Haha That is Landon talking to Jake today on the computer. He was laughing and talking it brought tears to my eyes on how wonderful it is to see it. Even though he's far away he still can be apart of his life. HAHA you can even see Jake in the pic!!

Jake has such good taste!

This shirt i picked out myself. He must of remembered me showing it to him!

These are shorts that are much needed lol and they fit perfectly. Now i know why he was asking my sizes!!

More shorts the one on the top are my absolute FAV!!

This is a cute shirt lol he's so cute

Cute lil dress!! I love it!!

I was complaining i had no clothes for the warm weather and my baby got me all these cute clothes. he is truely amazing! i love him so much and i cant wait to see him and for him to see jake. Its gonna be amazing now i need to find some cute shoes to go with the dress. and i think that will be the outfit i wear when i pick him up from the airport!! yay

Twilight was Amazing!

This book was truely AMAZING! An epic love story that i couldn't stop reading. I think this is weird but when i read a book i actually picture it happening in real life. I pictured Bella and Edward falling in love, and I wondered to myself can a love like this actually exist?

The inseperable kind of love. I'm sure it does. But for it to be that perfect! It's unreal.

I totall fell in love with Edward and his undying love for Bella. And how even though he knew it was wrong, he still couldnt stay away!

Haha I know i know its just a book. But its a great love story. And while reading it...it made me miss Jake. I miss having that everyday affection. I mean we tell each other everyday that we love eachother and we miss eachother. But i miss being able to show him.

When Edward puts his hands on Bella or kisses her. I picture Jake and i. I miss that so much. I just sit there and dream about his homecoming. And being able to show eachother our love.

Its hard to do while we're apart. I miss holding his hand, i miss yelling at him at night cause he's hogging the bed lol (which hes only hogging it cause he fell asleep cuddling with me wow im a bitch lol), i miss being held in his arms, falling asleep together, him carrying me to bed. Him doing whatever he could to make me happy while he was home.

All of this cause a stupid book. But im a sucker for a love story. And this book by far was the bet love story i've read yet. Yes Yes i know i have 3 more books to read to really find out what happens with the love between Edward and Bella i'm sure it has its ups and downs, but i have a feeling they end up together and its because of the love they share for eachother.

HHAHAHA i'm a sap! Anyways, off to start New Moon!! So Excited =D

My Shopping Day =D

So I went shopping today. For the two loves of my life!!! I got Landon tons of sleepers cause he is growing SOOOO fast and its growing out of all the old ones!! My mom bought him some stuff for our trip to cancun!!! SOOO cute!! Here are some pics!

This is an outfit Auntie Holly bought for him =)

These are the AWESOME slippers i got my jakey babey! I also got him tons of beef jerky and tapitio hot sauce!!
These are a pack of 3 sleepers with the zipper that are AMAZING!!
This is a cute lil blanket i got Landon!

These are sooo cute! the orange one says Moms new man!!

I thought it was adorable!!

This is cute it says daddy and me!

Ok ok! So i got myself a new bathing suit and a wallet!!

These are bikinis i got for the trip to guam i'm not going on now :(
But hey hes coming home even better

My mom got these for Landon for Cancun!

Cute PJ set for Landon

His swim trunks and suit for Cancun!!

I wanted to thank my hard working husband for being able to buy our son what he needs when he needs it. Its truely Amazing!! Thank you so much Jakey Babey!!!

Love you!

I miss him....

today is one of those days i guess.where everything was going wrong. i was frustrated. and i wished that he was here. because hes the only one whocan calm me down. yeah sure a call is amazing. but its nothing like having him here with me. hes been gone for 2 months now. i wish he was gone for longer. but i guess now it finally hit me that he is gone. hes not here. that hes in guam. that ive been going to bed alone for the past two months! its finally hit me. And IM MISSING HIM MORE THAN I HAVE EVER.

i just want him to come home.

Harry Potter has been replaced!!!

So i have started to read the Twilight series. And i'm really getting into it. I've only gotten to chapter 3 on twilight. But i love it. when i read it i just picture the people who have played the characters in the book and just imagine all of this stuff happening in my head its so much fun! But it is hard to read it as often as i would like cause i have a full time mom lol. so whenver i get a chance i take it!! even if i only get to read a paragraph.

On a good note, we're two months into this deployment. like amber was saying earlier if it was a 6 month deployment we'd only have 4 months left. but unfortunetly we have a 7 month deployment which leaves us with 5 more months to go.

I do believe that this deployment has been easier and gone by way faster than the last. My reasoning for this is because i have a baby this deployment to occupy my time with every single day. Also i'm not having to keep my family together while they fall apart due to a HUGE lost in the family. SO i think i'm not going threw so many emotional stress!!

Landon has made it gone by so fast. and its amazing. We will be going to cancun in roughly 2 months. On april 26th. And jake will be coming out sometime in May! Which i'm totally stoked for. Itll be half way threw so i guess it gives us all something to look forward too. But im most excited cause hell get to see his precious baby boy. IM SO EXCITED!!

Anyhoo im off to read my book till my lover comes on.

2 months down!! And we're still going strong and kicking this deployments ASS!!!!

Why are deployments SO hard?

I'm so ready for this deployment to be over with. i know that were almost two months into it. but as the time goes by the harder it gets. i cant wait till the countdown begins are were actually having something good to look forwatrd to. instead of known we still have five months left to go. why did we get stuck with the 7 month deployment? why cant we get the 6 month? its hard enoughas it is. and to add that extra month into it, not to mention the DP factor maybe come into play. ugh i just want this to be over with i want jake to not be sooo stressed out he doesnt even wanna talk to me. and everything i do or say makes his day that much worse or harder. i miss my hubby smiling and being happy when he saw me on webcam.

im thinking about planning a small wedding when he gets home from deployment. something cheap n simple. i kinda wanna wait till landon can walk so he can be the ring barrer and i need to find a lil girl to be our flower girl. But i have 4 ppl i want to be my bridesmaid and ive asked them well ive ask like 3 of them. i think 4 wud be nice. i have to figure out the colors, i'm think red and white like our original wedding. maybe on a beach, if thats even possible. or i deno. well anyways.....i want to do it cheap. something simple. i want to by a cute knee lenght dress have my dad walk me down the isle. and all that. even if its just the ceremony and we cud have like a lil party thing at our house afterwards u know?

i deno. tell me what u think please?

Cant wait for the next 30 years!

Three years ago i was sitting at the hooka bar hanging out with this guy i met like 4 months ago, and we were totally into eachother. I was bummed because i had to spend valentines day alone cause this guy had some family issues going on, and couldnt be there for me. BUT that night February 17th, 2006 i was sitting next to him, and he was looking into my eyes, and he said 'I need to be with you' I protested cause i was off to England 3 weeks later to visit family. he kept asking and wouldnt take NO for an answer FINALLY i gave in, and we started dating. He was soo romanitc. I still can remember how he told me he loved me. First it was i L you. Then it was i LO you. Then it was LOV you. And finally i remember him whispering into my ear 'i love you' and i remember not hearing him right and saying 'u know u said love right' LOL and he was like yes i know....and he was like i love you. my heart MELTED! of course i said i love you too. Later that year he was off to boot camp and he asked me to marry him. And then in december we got married!!! I'm so glad he was so determined to be with me. cause i dont know what my life would be like without him in it. i wouldnt have my handsome son. i just am so happy with my life. every day that goes by i think god i am SOOO lucky to have someone who loves me so much. and he isnt afraid to show me. he does so much for me, he works so hard so landon can be home with me. AND that is the best gift he can give to him. This guy JACOB is truely AMAZING. and sometimes i know i might not show him how much i love him and how i appreciate everything he does, and dont so thankyou enough, but i know i love him, i know i appreciate him, and i know im thankful. I miss him everyday hes gone. and i feel bad when hes SOOO stressed he doesnt know what do with himself. I wish i was out in Guam to help him out, and do his laundry, iron his uniform, or whatever else i could do to make his life THAT much easier. all the sacrifices he has made in the past 2 years, is admirable. I'm truely very very lucky. And i hate that sometimes he thinks i take that for granted. all i can say is im sorry. i respect you so much. your are my HERO. you are my life. You are my soulmate. my one true love. i cant wait to grow old with you. have more babies with you. spend forever and eternity with you.

i love you Jacob. Forever And Always!

Plans Are Changing

So, It's been alittle over a month since Jake has deployed.

Too be honest this deployment is much different than the last.

It has gone by extremely quickly. Which I am thankful for.

We've had our rollar coaster of ups and downs of course.

But thankfully we had over comed all these obstacles.

In April Landon and I we're supposed to be going to visit him in Guam.

But according to last night thats all going to change.

His sister Nicole is planning on getting married.

And if Jake can come home on leave she's going to have it in April.

I'm so happy for her. She deserves to be happy.

And Prince is amazing to her and Noah.

But I am sort of bummed because I was so excited.

So excited to see a new country, have Jake show me what he does.

Where he works. I wanted to experience it with him in a way.

But one way or another we will get to see eachother!!

And that's all that matters.

I wanted to know what he was talking about when he was explaining something.

Thinking "Oh yeah I remember seeing that" youknow?

But either way he gets to see our handsome son.

He'll be 5 months old.

And last time Jake has seen him he was just 2 months.

Lots of change!!

We are very lucky people to have the opportunity to see eachother.
Especially while he's deployed.

Last deployment he got to come home for almost 2 weeks to meet my brother.

And see my Grandad for the last time.

It's amazing.
And I'm soo happy we get to experience it again!

I love him so much and I'm so Proud of him.

And I'm still going to work out and get all cute for him.

Even though it'll proably be too cold to wear a bikini!!!

LOL- at least I won't have to worry about my tan for now!!

Valentines Gift

Jake got me the greatest Valentines gift ever! He got me some work out stuff to do at home that way i can get toned. I really really wanna look amazing for my trip to guam to see him. I've been looking into tanning salons but they are way tooo expensive to go to. So i think i'm just gonna relie on the good ole sun itself. I'm hoping i can find the time to workout. Cause my days are always so busy. Like i tried working out tonight, and found out that its too small in my room to work out, soo i'm really hoping that i can work out tomorrow while Landon is sleeping or while he's being a good boy in his swing lol. I've honestly never been SOOO excited to work out before. But i am for some reason. I think its because i remember how my body looked before i had landon. and i think that i want it back that way. I think that jake is unhappy with the way i look, with the stretch marks and all the weight i gained. again that could just be me being stupid!! But i'm totally into this work out thing. i really hope it works out for me. and i hope i can pull it off and look good in my swim suit for jake when i go to guam!!

WISH ME LUCK :)

RIP- Grandad Bill

This time last year my Grandad Bill passed away.
I know he's in a better place!
He's with my Nana Hazel and I know they both are looking down on us.
I believe in my heart of hearts,
Grandad Bill was watching over Landon and I when I went into labor!
I believe that he was the reason why I got to the hospital on time.
Thank you for watching over me Nana Hazel & Grandad Bill.
Thank you for taking me under your wings and keeping me safe!
He was a great man, great father, great grand father, great great grandfather.
And most of all he was a wonderful husband.
He never re-married after my Nana died.
True love always waits.
We all miss him! We all still love him.
He'll always be in our minds and our hearts FOREVER!!!
We hope that you and Nana are up there dancing and loving eachother as much as you did when you were here.
Thank you for keeping us all safe!
You're truely MISSED.

We Love You So Much!! <3

R.I.P- Grandad Bill, You're forever in our hearts!

Before I Was A Mom Poem

Before I was a Mom, I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.I never thought about immunizations. Before I was a Mom, I had never been puked on.Pooped on.Chewed on.Peed on.I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.I slept all night. Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.Or give shots.I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep. Before I was a Mom,I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom. Before I was a Mom,I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy. Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom..I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom

Why Do Mothers Compete?

Why do mothers compete? I understand that wee all are proud to be mothers and are proud of our child. But to act like your baby is better than anyone else's baby is completely ridiculous. All babies acheive the same goals, maybe not at the same tome but they do. I understand your excited but don't try to tell me your baby is smarter than mine cause he was a preemie and will be behind always. My son is just as smart and strong as your kid. So stop acting like your baby is gods gift to the earth and noone else's baby can amount to yours. If i remember correctly all babies are god's gift. And no baby should be treated otherwise. So do me and the world a favor and GROW up!!

Forgiveness.

So I'm still patiently waiting to hear from the love of my life. Praying that my bubba's will go to sleep soon! So i can have a wonderful chat with his daddy! So this blog really is about my cousin. When i found out she was doing drugs and lying to me about doing them i was really hurt. So i told her that i didnt want her around my baby because she was on drugs. that was a decision jake and i had made regarding to anyone we knew that was on drugs. Sorry, but we dont want that around our lil angel pie. Well when i went into labor i wanted her and my aunt to know what was going on, so i texted her. Well ok, to make a long story short, she basically told me it was my fault that landon was coming early, and it was my fault if anything was wrong with him. so yeah kinda wrong on her end. i understand she was hurt, but my life was endangered and thats all that mattered to her was that she was MAD at me. So we've been talking, and i really just want to be there for her, want her in my life again, just want to have at least a relationship with her. Because i have FORGIVEN her. I always forgive her. And i asked her today so are we gonna even try on working things out. And shes like i gave up trying to work things out withyou a long time ago. So eh. I hate that i'm such a forgiving person. I feel like it bites me in the ass sometimes. i hate it its a trait that i have that i wish i didnt. i wish i could do what jake tells me and forget them for good. But i cant. I always think about them wonder what they are doing, how their life is, but in the end some how i get chewed up and spit back out. i dont know. it sucks. I hate being FORGIVING.

love of my life

the one the only the queen the best of the best the highest grade of anything there is the sun in the sky doesnt shine as bright as she does she radiates briliants and juat to be around here or hear her voice makes me want to be a better person i love her with all i am and all i will ever been i love you lover girl and i allways will kisses and cuddels

Motherhood & Deployment

I knew it wasn't going to be easy!! But i'm getting the hang of it. I didn't think when i became a mom i would be on my own for pretty much the 1st yr of the babies life. But i am. And i think i'm doing pretty good. its hard balancing everything tho. Doing laundry, cleaning, feeding him, and taking care of him. Not only that, i have to be strong for my son. I have to constantly remind him of his dad, show him pictures, talk about him 24/7. I'm actually making a DVD to send out tomorrow for Jake. I also have to be strong for Jake. Everytime jake see's him, he tears up. And it breaks my heart to pieces. But i try my hardest to be strong for Jake in this time, cause its hard for him. Probably harder for him. I couldn't imagine what he goes threw everyday! Having to be away from us. it's got to be hard. But he is our hero. And we cherish him for everything he does. I hope i am being everything for jake. And the greatest mom i can be for Landon. Cause i'm trying my hardest to be everything for both of them.And i'm getting great feed back from family telling me i'm doing a great job, and i'm a very good mother and loving mother. I just gotta keep reminding myself of that while jake is gone. I'm doing a great job, I'm being a great wife, and I'm being the best mother possible. I CAN DO THIS. I'm a seabee wife, and we can do too!! Hehe

A new chapter

I can remember back in february of 2008, I was sitting in the bath relaxing as i always do. And i start to cry. Jake came into me and asked what was wrong. I told him this "I know how bad you want to become a father, but i have to honestly tell you that i'm scared. I'm scared of dr's. I'm scared of messing up. I'm scared of that i wont ever get over the fear of not believing i can do this. I want to be a mom so bad, But i'm scared'

He looked at me and was like "Baby you can do it, and when you do become pregnant your going to be great at it. When you are ready and sure that your ok to go threw this well go from there, but i believe in you, and i know you can do it Amanda, you're stronger than you think you are" In the end i decided i wanted to wait to have a baby and get the truck jake had been bugging me about for the past year!! 2 weeks after we bought this expensive truck, i found out i was pregnant. MY reaction to this was OH NO! i can't do this.

Time passed....i went to more and more dr's, got tons of blood taking...NEEDLES my worse fear. But i got over it. Then my worst fear happened..i went into pre-term labor. I was so scared cause i thought i was doing everything right. So scared that i messed it up. It seemed like my worst fear was coming true. When i went into the hospital i was 3cm dialated. The dr told me i was having him. i was so scared. My contractions stopped. And they put me on bed rest! Here i am already living my worst fear..i'm get pricked and pulled at for a week.

FINALLY....November 6th, 2008 the dr said since i had preclamsia i was going to give birth to him. This is the part i was most afraid of. at 8pm my water broke, and in any given moment i was going to be told to push. I was so scared. Jake continuously by my side for the week i was there encouraged me and told me he loved me and i was the most beautiful thing in the world. at 845pm i started pushing. Didn't know what i was doing. Jake was holding my legs telling me he could see landon, at 903pm our precious baby was born.

I didn't think i could do it, i learned so much about myself i learned i needed to be confident in myself and now i can do whatever i put my mind to. And the MORAL of this blog i guess is to thank jake for always believing in me. Especially when i'm at my worst, if it wasnt for him i dont think i would of been able to get through that week and the birth of our son. He brings the best out in me. And i'm so proud to have him in my life, and be able to give him the son he's always wanted. From then on i have believed in myself and gotten threw every fear i've faced since that day. Jake you're amazing THANKYOU. We have such a beautiful family.