Forgiveness.

So I'm still patiently waiting to hear from the love of my life. Praying that my bubba's will go to sleep soon! So i can have a wonderful chat with his daddy! So this blog really is about my cousin. When i found out she was doing drugs and lying to me about doing them i was really hurt. So i told her that i didnt want her around my baby because she was on drugs. that was a decision jake and i had made regarding to anyone we knew that was on drugs. Sorry, but we dont want that around our lil angel pie. Well when i went into labor i wanted her and my aunt to know what was going on, so i texted her. Well ok, to make a long story short, she basically told me it was my fault that landon was coming early, and it was my fault if anything was wrong with him. so yeah kinda wrong on her end. i understand she was hurt, but my life was endangered and thats all that mattered to her was that she was MAD at me. So we've been talking, and i really just want to be there for her, want her in my life again, just want to have at least a relationship with her. Because i have FORGIVEN her. I always forgive her. And i asked her today so are we gonna even try on working things out. And shes like i gave up trying to work things out withyou a long time ago. So eh. I hate that i'm such a forgiving person. I feel like it bites me in the ass sometimes. i hate it its a trait that i have that i wish i didnt. i wish i could do what jake tells me and forget them for good. But i cant. I always think about them wonder what they are doing, how their life is, but in the end some how i get chewed up and spit back out. i dont know. it sucks. I hate being FORGIVING.