A new chapter

I can remember back in february of 2008, I was sitting in the bath relaxing as i always do. And i start to cry. Jake came into me and asked what was wrong. I told him this "I know how bad you want to become a father, but i have to honestly tell you that i'm scared. I'm scared of dr's. I'm scared of messing up. I'm scared of that i wont ever get over the fear of not believing i can do this. I want to be a mom so bad, But i'm scared'

He looked at me and was like "Baby you can do it, and when you do become pregnant your going to be great at it. When you are ready and sure that your ok to go threw this well go from there, but i believe in you, and i know you can do it Amanda, you're stronger than you think you are" In the end i decided i wanted to wait to have a baby and get the truck jake had been bugging me about for the past year!! 2 weeks after we bought this expensive truck, i found out i was pregnant. MY reaction to this was OH NO! i can't do this.

Time passed....i went to more and more dr's, got tons of blood taking...NEEDLES my worse fear. But i got over it. Then my worst fear happened..i went into pre-term labor. I was so scared cause i thought i was doing everything right. So scared that i messed it up. It seemed like my worst fear was coming true. When i went into the hospital i was 3cm dialated. The dr told me i was having him. i was so scared. My contractions stopped. And they put me on bed rest! Here i am already living my worst fear..i'm get pricked and pulled at for a week.

FINALLY....November 6th, 2008 the dr said since i had preclamsia i was going to give birth to him. This is the part i was most afraid of. at 8pm my water broke, and in any given moment i was going to be told to push. I was so scared. Jake continuously by my side for the week i was there encouraged me and told me he loved me and i was the most beautiful thing in the world. at 845pm i started pushing. Didn't know what i was doing. Jake was holding my legs telling me he could see landon, at 903pm our precious baby was born.

I didn't think i could do it, i learned so much about myself i learned i needed to be confident in myself and now i can do whatever i put my mind to. And the MORAL of this blog i guess is to thank jake for always believing in me. Especially when i'm at my worst, if it wasnt for him i dont think i would of been able to get through that week and the birth of our son. He brings the best out in me. And i'm so proud to have him in my life, and be able to give him the son he's always wanted. From then on i have believed in myself and gotten threw every fear i've faced since that day. Jake you're amazing THANKYOU. We have such a beautiful family.