Three Months Down....

Well tomorrow means....month 3 down!! So far it's been a fast paced deployment.. I've been keeping busy! I'm already 30 weeks pregnant!!! I can't believe it!! Just 10 more weeks until I get to meet my new little prince!! After Logan makes his appearance, my life will be one big blur, and then the blur will come to and end when my wonderful husband walks off that plane!

I've been making sure to protect my family. After recent events, I am contemplating deleting all friends ( that arent like family to me) from facebook. I don't like the feeling of random people contacting me through facebook, whom I dont even know. And the threats, and the drama are just something I don't need in my life. especially when I have 2 little mans depending on me to protect them. I understand people like drama, but to go around to people on a base where i am going to be living again and giving them my personal info is crossing the line. I'm not sure if i'm paranoid, but anyone who is associated with this person scares me. I dont know what to post, what to say, even what pictures to post. I don't want this person knowing anything about my life or who's in it. I love them all, and I know they have the best interest at heart. But its still unsettling. And i think it's time to do something about it!!

November should hurry and come already!! Please and Thank You!

Afghanistan and Deployment

This deployment has been a whirlwind. Its had its ups and its downs. But i'm thankful for everything i've been put through cause it has only made me stronger. My husband and I have only grown as a couple, we've seen what we have, and we don't take it for granted. Having him over there while i've been pregnant has been a challenge. I do worry a lot. Which is hard not to do, but I do try not to. I know its not good for either of us, and saying I will stop worrying is easier said than done. But this too shall pass.

I'm getting excited for the future, we are currently looking at orders to move!! So exciting. I've honestly never been so excited about anything in my life. Don't get me wrong I've met some of the most amazing friends out in Port Hueneme, but had my fair share of unwanted drama. My opinion is Port Hueneme is a highschool, and after 4 years of it, you want out. I will look back at all teh find memories and forget all the horribles i've endured.

I know what being a friend is, and to me a friend isnt someone who lets others talk down on someone you call you friend. If I had to sit through someone talking badly about a friend of mine, I wouldn't just sit there and jump in on the fun. I would sit there and defend my friend till the end, and let this person know that you don't appreciate them talking badly about anyone you know, and if they want to be friends with me, to respect that and not bring up bad things that aren't true around me. Quite frankly you're no friend of mine.

People are getting word from someone about me that are completely and utterly untrue. And if you wanna sit there and believe her and not tell her I wouldn't do it, than why even bother calling me a friend! Defend me, stick up for me, and let them know I wouldn't ever spread such horrible lies about you or your husband. I don't know you, I didn't care to know you so please respect my decision of not wanting you in my life. And not spread such horrible things about me.

In the end, I'm ready to go, to move onto something new. And i am so excited to get away from that place and concentrate on my beautiful little family. I'm realizing the true meaning to a friendship, and soon, you'll know if I consider you one of them!! No hard feelings! But thats just that.

On a good note, I'm 7 months pregnant. Which i can't believe it's gone by so fast!! On saturday i'm having an ultrasound done, and they will make a special dvd for jake for me to send to him since he's deployed of our little guy! Its amazing, i'm so glad he kinda gets to be a part of it! Even though he is so far away!! He misses us, and he does so much for us it's unbelievable. I wake up everyday wondering how the heck I got soo lucky with this man who loves us SO much!! he is my hero, my love, and my everything. I'm truely blessed. Almost at our 4 year wedding anniversary!! And almost 5 years since we officially we've been dating!! Love love love him to death.

At the end of the day my husband and my 2 sons are everything that matter to me!!

All my family and my closest friends are such a blessing!

I'm very lucky with the life I have.

Wouldn't change it for the world.

:)

Scrapbooking...

I'm excited...to get all the stuff I have out here, unpacked and put away, that way i can start my one true hobby and passion up again! I haven't started it up since Last deployment and i have no idea why i stopped. I think i stopped because Jake was home, and i guess i spent my time with him and my son more than i didnt with scrapbooking!! I'm working on 2 books right now for Landon. One of them is for me to remember all my wonderful moments I've shared with him, and of course all the wonderful moments Jake has spent with him. And the second one is going to be for him, the first year of his life i will be doing a page for every month, and then after that, 1-2 pages of his life that year! I can't wait to start it up again, i am jumping with joy inside!! But i cant for the life of me, find the motivation to unpack all this stuff i have! it's soooooo overwhelming. But i will get it going!

Heard from my love today, on the phone! Which was a true suprise figuring we have only been skyping this whole time since he left. And Landon got to talk to his daddy and he was just talking up a storm ! Man was it cute. I've been trying to keep him busy and of course myself busy that way the days go by fast, and those days we dont hear from him we dont think about NOT hearing from him.

We are two weeks down!! Its been going sooooo fast! And i hope it continues to be this way!! And if it doesnt i have absolutely no reason to be negative! :)

TWO days TWO long.

Well I finally heard from my hubby!! And I gotta say it was amazing!!! I know I hadn't heard from him for only 2 days!! But it was hard because he is in the same place as a bunch of my friends, and they were hearing from their husband 3-4 times daily! And I hadn't for TWO Days lol. But my turn came and I got to talk to him for almost 2 hrs while I was cleaning up the kitchen. It was amazing to see Landon and him interact. Landon loves his daddy so much and was smiling from ear to ear!! It had me in tears. Unfortunetly I don't know when the next time I'll hear from him! Which completely SUCKS! But welcome to the deployment life yet again! I did not miss it thats for sure.

I'm currently packing up and cleaning this house we are in. And it's been hell! Not to mention Landon's sick now. And won't stop screaming!! And this seriously is the LAST thing I need. Poor thing. I probably will end up sick. So please, please,please, not let me get this cold or whatever is going on with him. I'm just wanting to leave this horrid place. And be with my family. Landon will be so much happier down there, and honestly soo will I.

And this is just the beginning of this deployment, I hope it only gets easier!

Deployment is here yet AGAIN :(

So the dreaded day has finally come, and the love my life is gone again for another 8-10 months!!! I knew it was coming and I expected to feel this way!!! But it still is just has hard as ever. I thought with each deployment that went by, the goodbyes would get easier and the time wouldnt be so bad apart. BUT I was wrong. They are just has hard, in fact they get even more hard. This one was especially hard cause he is deploying to Afghanistan. And I am currently 16 weeks pregnant, with an almost 2 yr old. Each deployment more and more elements get put into this equation. I'm so proud of my husband and couldn't of asked for a better man!! I'm sure i'll have my ups and downs!! Well, thats a given cause its everyday life. But i feel confidant in the friends I have and I know I have the support I deserve. No more drama, No more nothing. Just amazing people who are going to support me in my time of need, good or bad, and they have an amazing friend in me, who will return the favor in their time of need, good or bad. I'm thankful for my family. They are going to be my rock while he's gone. And my support during this pregnancy. And i know at the end of the day I'm going to kick this deployments ass!!

Pacifier Trouble....

So lately we have been trying super hard to get Landon to stop taking his Binki. Unfortunetly, we can't break him from it, especially at nap time and bed time. The good thing is he doesn't have it everyday all day, and its been like that for 5 months or so, but we CAN NOT for the life of us get him to NOT cry for hours on end for his binki. I feel guilty because I think its my fault for not breaking it from him sooner, and like maybe we wouldnt be going through this if I had just done the job right and never given him the binki at all. Then a part of me is like, well if he is only taking it at night it can't be that bad to give it to him? But, we have Logan on the way, and I dont want Landon to still have a Binki with Logan here, especially if Logan takes to a binki. Part of me doesn't even want to give Logan the Binki, unless its a MUST like it was with Landon. I feel like its because of me he is suffering, and I wish I knew how to get this binki delima out of the way and to where we wont have to sit here and have to hear him cry for hours!!

Any advice?

Your shit stinks... :D

This is probably gonna be mean, but at this point I DONT CARE! Why are girls out here so damn judgemental?? It's like you guys get together, and the Ring leader says "lets delete Amanda V" and everyone of you jumps on the band wagon and says like Ok i will too, you guys dont know me, and obviously didnt care to know me, and i really could give TWO shits.

You guys are a little shit talking group from highschool!! Seriously, didnt most of us graduate from highschool YEARS ago? And Seriously aren't most of you MOMS!! you guys need to grow up and stop thinking your the shit, cause REALITY is YOUR SHIT STINKS JUST AS BAD AS MINE! And i guess not all of us can be as FAKE as you are!

You think it hurts me, you think i CARE! But i don't im sitting here laughing at how pathetic and immature ALL of you are! And i am thanking god daily that you deleted me cause obviously you guys arent the people i thought you out to be!! And trust me I had all good thoughts of you all, and you all proved to me who you really are!! So i hope all of you feel better about your lame ass self when you talk shit about other people!! Real CLASSY!!!

I love all of my close friends, and i thank god for you all the time. you guys are amazing, and defend the true meaning of friendship! I'm glad you guys are in my life everyday. And couldn't even imagine how it'd be without you all in it!! Im looking forward to supporting you all, and having you all support me in this upcoming journey we are facing, or have faced.

We found out on Saturday we are having a baby boy and we are totally over the moon about this. We are gonna name him Logan Thomas!! He is due Jan 6th 2011! I'm excited to meet him, and i hope time goes by that way my husband is soon back in my arms... I am so happy in my life, and glad to say its everything and more than what i ever expected it to be!!

Deployment #3 Around the Corner!

With Deployment 3 just around the corner, everythings becoming so real! We are currently packing up our house, and moving it into storage. And I do not miss packing! But we have had lots of help and it's made it much more fun! We are finding out what our little nugget is next weekend!! Well hopefully! I'll only be 15 weeks. And I'm hoping baby isn't too stubborn! If it is, the place said we can go and eat some lunch and drink some drinks lol, and maybe by then the baby may have moved and we could have better luck! Also, Landon is 20 months old now! Wow how the time flies, he is getting so big and so smart. He is continuing to amaze me every single day that goes by, he is amazing. I love watching Jake with him. Jake adores him! And I know he is truely going to miss his daddy! We are going to record tons of videos of Jake reading to Landon, and talking to Landon. Going to take loads of pictures of Jake and then of Jake and Landon together! Hopefully this deployment will go by quick. I'm sure it will with all the things i'll have going on in my life! I'm just ready for it to come and be over with!! Positive thoughts ALL the way!!

And Baby makes 4!

Well it's true. We are expecting baby #2.

It was kind of a shock, because they we're reffering me out to get surgery.

And i remember crying in the dr's office.

So it was a HUGE blessing.

I am currently 8 weeks pregnant.

Due Jan 6th 2010! A day before my birthday!!!

We are very excited!!

And we can't wait to meet our little nugget!!!

:)

Easter 2010

Landon didn't like the Easter Bunny, this year.

Oh well it's cute anyways!!!

Easter 2010

From The Soul.

So Jake has been gone on FEX for awhile. And he's been sending me these crazy, and ridicously sweet text messages!!! Monday night he wrote "I just wanted to tell you, you are the sun that lights my ski and the drive to make myself better. I love you with all my heart and I wanted to tell you that everything I am would be nothing to me without you by my side. I love you" Then he goes and tells me that he should start writing for Hallmark, cause he always comes up with something silly and cute to say to me. It's too funny!! He says he's going to send me one of these cute texts everynight before he goes to bed. So last night he wrote "For you to not be in my life would be like the sun to fall from the sky. To not be able to lay eyes on your beauty would be as to not breathe the sweet smell of a summers day. And to not be able to feel the soft touch of my loves hand, I would die!!" So he is so cute. I don't know where he comes up with this stuff, and its like he goes to the NEX to get a card and copies the sayings, he's done this so many times before. But I do have to say he is a true romantic.

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder"

I love you.

Real Life

Lately, Things have been going great. Family life is great, Landons been doing great, Jake's doing great, everything is just at an all time high for us. And then BOOM. He has to leave for FEX. Our whole world gets turned upside down. The most horrific thing happened to Landon. And I know it was just an accident. And that it could happen to anyone. But why me??! Why my kid? Why do i constantly feel if someone see's what happens or finds out what happened, that I should be embaressed or ashamed??? When when it comes down to it, it truely was a huge accident, and yes it could of been prevented, I could of gotten to him quicker, but those things didn't happen. Yes, Landon is okay. Thank goodness. I'm so blessed and so thankful. I'm so glad that i've had so much support since Jake has been gone, without that support this pass 2 weeks would of been complete hell.
In a way I feel as though i've lost a best friend, and in return found a new one. I shouldn't compare, but having such a close friend there always in my life, always there to call, is such an amazing feeling. My other friend, I never here from her, nor does she return any calls or texts, maybe thats the way she is, i'm not sure. But I love my new bestfriend, she was there when everything happened with Landon, and she really kept me calm, and really assured me he was ok, and it wasn't my fault, and accidents happen.
I've come to notice, that I've been speaking my mind a lot more lately. And Its great. It's so nice to be myself and say what I'm thinking. If you don't like it, I'm sorry I'm really not here to please you, or anyone else for that matter. I'm here to please myself, my husband, my son, and my family. Of course I'm not going to be a bitch but still I will speak my mind. I'm tired of friends of convienance. I'm here for more than just a question or to borrow something. I'm here to talk to, to vent to, to bitch to, to joke with, and whatever else comes along with being friends. I'm a great friend!!!

The Sun Shines For My Lil One

My pride and joy, We bought him a sand box this weekend and the sun finally came out so he could play in it!! it was such a joy to watch him light up and have so much fun in the sand. I love him so much!

Smoker's Remorse

The day finally came! My worst nightmare. My husband starting smoking again! I don't mind. I'm not a hater. I've seen a lot of people die get cancer, and being wheeled around in a chair with an oxygen tank in their nose along with a cig in their mouth. When I think of Jake smoking, i picture him in those chairs, with the cig in his mouth, and my heart breaking! All in all i'm scared for him, i don't want anything happening to him. He is my true love, my soul mate. And the way i am, the way i think, i will seriously worry every single day until we died that he's going to come home from the DR's and tell me he has cancer, and they can't help him. I want him to be around for my son. Maybe i'm being a little over worrisome. BUT why put your self in harms way?! Especially when you have a beautiful wife, and such an amazing son who adores you?! Why would you put yourself in harms way!! Not saying that if you some your getting cancer and you will die. Those are MY experiences and those are the memories Ill never forget. Those will die with me. And i dont want to add my husband to those memories. Not to mention, my dad, my mom, my uncles, my aunts, my younger brother, pretty much all smoke!! And everytime they do, it breaks my heart, cause i dont want anything happening to them, I love them so much! And its so hard to watch them smoke these little cancer sticks. Yes, I said it, CANCER sticks! Anyways, i hope this is just temporary and he's not going to make this a life long habit! It will break my heart. Again i dont look down on people who smoke, i don't hate smokers. I just think MY hubby shouldnt smoke!

Amanda Vavra `s personal website

Amanda Vavra `s personal website

Highschool Drama.

Today, I've gotten in touch with some old friends. Not that it's a bad thing. But I don't understand back in the day how they we're so quick to stop talking to me. It's not like we went to different schools or moved away. We just stopped talking, said harsh words, and now 7 years later, it all is said and done, and we can talk again?! I missed them terribly. They were my best friends in the whole world. When we stopped being friends it was the hardest thing to take. I loved these girls. And it hurt to know i was so disposable to them. And again i think it was from then on, where I stopped trusting girls fully. It feels good to know that the past is the past, and we can move on from the stupid highschool he said she said. But don't get my wrong it hurts to see all my best friends in pictures together and know they all abandoned me because why?! still to this day i have no idea. And maybe one day i will figure that out. But then i don't. I'm glad we can let our disagreements from when we were 16 go, and move on from here on out. Hopefully I can continue to get close and find out how their lifes have been since our departure. All said and done, Highschool was the worst time of my life and I'm glad that I never have to go back!!

Goals for 2010.

What are my goals? Good questions. I've tried to sit here and think about what my goals are and what my New Year Resolutions will be. And couldn't find any that pleased me. The reason being is if i set my self up goals, and can't achieve them I don't want to let myself down! Things i would love to have accomplished is be enrolled in a school that totally fits my needs and expectations in a school that i know would best suit my career goals. i just dont want to enrolled in a school because it's easy and short. I wanna love my job. I need to start exploring my dreams and what I can see myself doing for a living.

I would love to be more positive. I do admit, i'm generally 70% positive on pretty much anything that is thrown my way. But with this upcoming deployment, and am beginning to see my Optimistc point of view disappearing. I don't know what to expect. ANd i hope when the time comes i can find a way to be positive about the journey.

Also, to be a better wife and mother. I know I kick ass in those fields already BUT theres always room for improvment. If i come up with more goals or accomplishments i will post them. but as for now, i'm content on these few goals. And i know i will acheive them!!